Sunday, May 17, 2009

Recycle This




My son, Jack, is the serious one in the family. Don’t know how I spawned a stone face from this pack of clowns, but I am forever on a mission to convert him to the cult of the ridiculous and sarcastic from which I was born.

Today he and his friend, Christian, barreled into the kitchen overflowing with giggles.

Jack: MOM! THERE IS A TOILET ON OUR FRONT LAWN!

Christian: Lisa, there IS!

Me: I know. Dad and I thought we could put it in the corner of the yard to make it convenient for you when you’re playing football with your friends.

Jack: MOM! You can’t do that! That is against the law!

Me: No. People do it all the time. We all have to use the toilet. This will save you time and keep all the kids out of our house.

Jack: I am NOT using that.

Christian: Me either.

Me: Okay then, I’ll make it into a seat. You guys can sit on it when you’re tired.

Jack: Mom, I won’t sit there. That would be so embarrassing.

Christian: Totally.

Me: Guys, we are a recycling family. You know that. So it’s either going to be a toilet, a nice seat for you to sit on or we’re going to put dirt in it and make it into a flower pot. I found a nice spot for it right under your bedroom window.

Jack: No WAY!

Me: Pick one.

Jack: I don’t WANT a toilet under my window! Put it under YOUR window.

Me: My room faces the back of the house. Then no one will see it.

Jack: No one WANTS to see a toilet in our yard.

Me: Pick one.

Jack: All rrrrright I’ll pick the flower pot.

Christian: Seriously, what are going to do with that toilet?

Me: Well, the other thought I had was to wait til the middle of the night and put it in someone else’s yard. Sort of like the Neighborhood of the Traveling Toilet. Whoever gets it will know it means that someone likes them. And then they can put it in someone else’s yard the next night. And so on.

Christian: I don’t think my parents will think it’s a good thing.

Me: No they will. They’ll like it. Trust me.

Jack: Mom, you could get arrested.

Me: Arrested for giving my neighbor a gift? I doubt the police officer is going to see it that way.

Jack: Mom, please don’t.

Me: All right. We can keep it.

Jack: Ya, but I don’t like any of the choices.

Me: Honey, this is the country. A toilet on our front lawn is cool. This will help us bond with people.

Jack: Mom, now I think you’re just kidding with me.

9 comments:

Jenjen © GottaLoveMom said...

I just love the kids' innocence and wild imagination (haha!), just like my 8yo!

Have a great week!

Kimberly said...

This is fantastic! I'd love to see what your son would write on your blog about this, because your conversations are fun to read! Thanks for making me laugh today :)

San Diego Writer Girl said...

Kimberly,

Jack would write about how annoying I am for sure. Oh, and embarrassing. Now that he's 12, everything I do is embarrassing. I knew this day would come. I'm just using his embarrassment to have a little fun. It was so hard keeping a straight face yesterday but it was worth it. I'm so glad you liked the post! Thanks!!!

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha! Hilarious. Wish i were that funny :)

briwei said...

I'm visualizing this and it is bringing a big smile to my face. How did you pull off the straight face? I'm not sure I could have...

Deb said...

Love it! Love your sense of humor and how it offsets your son's reasoning. I like to do this to my kids every once in a while when I can catch them off guard. I can usually keep it going, but they are getting wise to me the older they get.

The real question? Where did the toilet come from? Where did it go? It would be pretty funny to put it on your friend's lawn with flowers in it--I love a good clean joke. That toilet is clean, isn't it :) LOL

San Diego Writer Girl said...

Bri:

It was SO hard to keep a straight face. I had to keep looking away to get it together. That kid gives me so much material because he takes me so seriously.

Deb:

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I usually don't resort to toilet humor but this one was calling to me. We're remodeling and this toilet had to go. My husband put it on the lawn temporarily and I couldn't stop laughing seeing it there. I begged him to put it in one of my ex-friend's yard. If I wasn't married to such an ethical guy, you can bet it would be sitting in someone else's driveway. I LOVE to play pranks on people. He wouldn't agree to put it in someone's yard, however, it did end up in an undisclosed location that I cannot reveal. I laugh every time I think of the person who will find it. Hey, it could be used as a toilet, a seat or a flower pot! See what an environmentalist I am?

Trudy said...

Hi Lisa, I'm visiting from over at Kimberly's today. I loved this post...so creative and funny!

I'll definitely be back to visit!

Kimberly said...

I just wanted to let you know that I nominated your blog today for an award! Thanks for such an outstanding blog! Stop by my blog to pick up the award :)